week three: testing: 1, 2, 3...

As we know, healthy and fulfilling relationships thrive on open communication and mutual understanding. But there are times when we may feel unheard or unseen within our relationships, leading to frustration and disappointment. It’s essential to practice and implement speaking up for ourselves in these situations to ensure our needs, boundaries, and emotions are acknowledged and respected. This week is all about the significance of speaking up in relationships – along with examples of how to practice self-advocacy, and empower you to unleash your voice.

Reflect on Your Feelings:

Before addressing any concerns, take the time to reflect on your emotions and identify what is bothering you. Are you feeling ignored, unappreciated, or disrespected? Understanding your feelings will help you articulate your concerns more effectively.

Example: "I've noticed that when we make plans with our friends, my input is often disregarded, and it makes me feel unimportant and unseen in our relationship."

Choose the Right Time and Place:

Select a suitable environment and moment to initiate a conversation. Find a time when both you and your partner are calm and available to engage in a meaningful discussion. Ensure you have privacy and minimal distractions to allow for an open and focused conversation.

Example: "I would like to talk about something that has been on my mind. Can we take a few minutes this evening to sit down and talk?"

Use "I" Statements:

When expressing your concerns, use "I" statements to take ownership of your feelings and avoid sounding accusatory. This approach helps prevent the conversation from becoming confrontational and allows your partner to understand your perspective without feeling attacked.

Example: "I feel unheard when I share my thoughts, and it leaves me questioning whether my opinions matter to you."

Be Specific and Provide Examples:

To help your partner understand the situation better, be specific about the instances or behaviors that have made you feel unheard or unseen. Provide concrete examples to illustrate your point, enabling them to see your perspective and the impact of their actions.

Example: "For instance, during the dinner party last week, I shared an idea, but it seemed like it went unnoticed as the conversation quickly shifted to another topic. It left me feeling excluded and overlooked."

Express Your Needs:

Clearly communicate your needs and desires to your partner, allowing them to better comprehend what you expect from the relationship. Be honest and specific about the support, attention, or changes you are seeking.

Example: "I would appreciate it if we could have more balanced conversations, where my thoughts and opinions are valued. It would mean a lot to me if you actively asked for my perspective or opinion and actively listened to my response.”

Active Listening and Mutual Understanding:

Encourage your partner to actively listen and engage in the conversation. Invite them to share their perspective and genuinely listen to their side of the story. This exchange fosters understanding and paves the way for finding common ground and resolving conflicts.

Example: "I want to understand your perspective as well. Can you share with me how you perceive our communication dynamics? I believe open dialogue will help us strengthen our relationship."

Collaboration and Compromise:

Finding solutions that work for both parties is crucial in relationships. Collaborate with your partner to brainstorm ideas and seek compromises that honor both your needs and theirs. Be open to adapting and finding middle ground to ensure a healthy balance within the relationship.

Example: "Let's work together to find a communication style that honors both of our voices. Maybe we can take turns actively listening to each other or set aside dedicated time to have meaningful conversations."

Speaking up for ourselves in relationships is a vital step toward fostering open communication and mutual respect. To better grow in and with your partner, you both need to feel comfortable and confident in sharing your perspectives. Like anything, it may feel uncomfortable when trying these new approaches but with time and growing openness, you will find your confidence and see growth in your bond.